Giving Up

Lately I’ve felt like completely giving up. Just going with the flow and letting my life lose control. This isn’t a good way to live and pretty much is a standard way to end up a hobo. But hey, I could mark that off my list of things to do right after ‘live in an elevator’.

I’m guessing I feel so helpless do to my lack of passion or concentration for anything. I have a definite addictive personality and without having something to totally be addicted to, I’m lost.

It doesn’t help that I seem to be missing school a lot more than I should be. Doctor appointments up the yang, but I can’t help those. Not to mention an upcoming trip to Pennsylvania that will take me out for another couple days. And being as I’m missing, I’m making things up and here’s where it leads to my excuse for March Nanowrimo. I really don’t have the time for this.

I hate myself for using that pitiful lack of an excuse, but it seems I collapse into bed every night feeling like I’ve done nothing productive, but tired out anyway. I think I’m sick. Not even PCOS sick. Just… something else. There has to be something they’re missing!

Over vacation, I got my first “actual” period in awhile and the discovery was followed by some major puking. Not to mention, it seems that I can now only eat very small meals and even then I feel sick to my stomach. And I constantly want to cry. Don’t scream PMS or hormones at me. Hormones don’t make me blow chunks. They don’t make me feel worthless and small. But I do.

Now, as I go on about this, I feel like an emo kid desperate for attention. Don’t worry, anyone, I’m not about to go out and slit my wrists. I just want to know what’s wrong!

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m making a huge deal out of feeling normal.

I hope I’m not normal.