Just a Check In

It’s had been almost five months now since I even attempted to open up my 2006 Nanowrimo binder and edit.  I changed that today, taking out the third chapter and reading through it before picking up my red pen. The second paragraph stopped me. In said passage, I had made a crack about K-Fed and Britney, only to realize that all of the lines poking fun at celebrities and such would have to be edited out. What an awful thought. But still, I picked up the red pen and made a long dash through the line. Light, but still painful to do. Not only would those jokes be completely irrelevant within the next five years, but potential lawsuits over statements that only imply seems too threatening and not worth the humor they added. Anyway, I just wanted to state that I’m very excited that I actually picked up the binder today and began working once again. Very exhilarating.

What else is new? I’m preparing for state exams. Regents. I have three of them at the end of this year. Global History, Biology, and Mathematics. Along with final exams in English, Latin, and most likely, Art. I’m actually feeling better about these exams than usual. Global isn’t my strongest subject to say the least, but I’ve been doing well on the old regents exams and grasping the topic in these last couple weeks.

I’m debating whether not to apply or not at this ice cream place down the street. I don’t think they’d actually hire me, due to the completely unreasonable hours that a fifteen year old can work in New York, along with the fact that a lot of people seem to be applying. But part of me wants the job so terribly. Well, let’s rephrase that. I don’t want the job, per say, but I would like the financial input it would bring to my checking account this summer. Still, working seems such a dreadful prospect.

Now, for the last point I’ll hit on before wrapping this post up, e-zines. There are millions of them out there, most going unnoticed by the crowds. It’s so extremely tedious to start one of these and gain a fan base. You have to provide sample issues, attract authors to submit, and actually get subscribers. Most go about this by advertisements online. Annoying as they are, they can be very useful. More so than say, instant messaging people who have ‘writing’ as an interest on their profile. I understand where this man was coming from; yes this was a real occurrence. Sometimes you can’t afford the advertisements and sometimes this seems like such an easy way. But, seriously, it comes off screaming amateur. You instant messaging my screen name meant for friends, asking me to submit to your budding new e-zine doesn’t immediately concern me. Actually, it was quite flattering, even though I know you only chose me off a list from people who said they enjoyed writing, and you checked were literate [at least I hope]. But then giving me links to two websites for said zine, both being collapsed, is just a blaring alarm. So please, at least allow yourself to look professional with a fully mapped out website on what you intend to do before diving in to the second stage of collecting stories for the magazine.

A Mix of Everything

Life has basically been hectic these last couple weeks. School is in it’s last quarter and reviews are being sprung on us. Along with my English paper, which I finally finished today. So, I can somewhat relax and write this.

I’ve had to skip the last two days of school. My period has been excruciatingly bad to the point where going into school just couldn’t happen. I went to the OBGYN’s today and got switched to Low-Ogestrel. Yeah, according to my gynecologist, this was the original birth control given to those with PCOS, so it should be good. We figure my headaches and complete fatigue to the point of sleeping at every open opportunity can be contributed to the fact that Yasmin has a lot of Progesterone. That’s one of the hormones that accompanies the end of your period, to tell your ovaries whether or not you’re pregnant; at least that’s what we’ve learned in Biology. So, being as there was too much of it, it made my body feel as if it was in the third trimester of a pregnancy. Sleeping, headaches, aching, and bitching abounds. Hopefully when I start my new birth control tomorrow, things will start to get better.

Onto explaining my English research paper. I’m not sure about everyone else, but it doesn’t take me long to write a research paper. Give me a database, a good topic, and two hours; I’ll have the paper written. But of course we need the outline, annotated bibliography, work cited, and teachers who insist I can’t do what I just said. My English teacher has been pestering me for about a week and a half now to get this paper done, it was officially due today. Of course, being absent the last two days, I wasn’t able to hand it in. But I did it. Yesterday, I did the outline, annotated bibliography, and work cited in an hour. Today, I wrote the paper in forty minutes [including internal citations and all that], had my sister edit the extremely bad conclusion and some small spelling mistakes, and emailed all of it off. If I get a good grade, I’m definitely telling her how long it took me. By the way, my topic was Drugs for Mental Illnesses being Over Prescribed.

Prom was last Saturday. It was pretty amazing. I’m a sophomore and went with my best friend, Samantha, a junior. We danced all night and I managed to tick this girl whom I really don’t like off so much. It was such an amazing night. I had so much fun. Enough about that though.

I’m really trying to figure out if there is anything else that interesting happening in my life. Nothing that spectacular comes to mind. I am looking for a pen pal though. Not an email or instant message one, I have tons of those, but a pen and ink, snail mail pen pal. If anyone is interested, drop a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

Yasmin

As soon as my mother gets home from her trip to Pennsylvania, I’m getting to the OBGYN’s office and being switched off Yasmin.

From my previous entries, you can probably tell that I’ve already had some problems with this birth control. Sadly, they’ve escalated. It started with my first month’s placebo pills. I took them as I was directed, and for three days, had a light enjoyable period. That ended on Tuesday when I got hit so hard I had to be wearing three pads at once. My mother called the office on the Friday after to get their opinion, and I went straight to the regular pills in my next pack. I thought this would stop the period fully. Of course, I had to be wrong. It’s almost a full two weeks later, and I still am being forced into pads from my defiant ovaries. They’re obviously revolting, but I’m scared to stop the pills fully and get back to wearing three pads at once.

Not only is the elongated cycle a problem. My emotions have turned haywire over the past couple weeks, leaving my friends and family unsure of what Kendra Helene they might encounter upon talking to me. It’s almost as if I’m pregnant, that’s how crazy my mood swings have gotten. Only two days ago we were eating at Red Lobster, and after getting to the parking lot, I burst into tears without any warning. I’m not enjoying this. It’s torturing me just as much as anyone I confront.

Along with the crazy moods, I’m always tired now. I actually slept around twenty hours last Friday. I went to sleep at 6:30 p.m., overslept and woke up at 5 a.m., then slept on the bus ride to school, through my first class, through half my second, and through lunch. Of course, I basically passed out after getting home. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the symptoms outweighing the advantages. I’m sick of feeling sick after eating a regular sized meal. It’s not normal, it’s not helping, and it’s affecting my life to the point I’m getting concerned.

So, yeah. Obviously, I haven’t gotten much writing done with all this going on. I’m disappointing myself. Can we count that as another symptom?

Before I Die

Though I’m betting that no one truly cares, I’ve always wanted to write one of those ‘Things to Do Before I Die’ Lists. So, here it goes.

Ten Things to Do Before I Die

1. Ride on an Air Balloon.

2. Throw a Message in a Bottle into the Ocean.

3. Send out an amazing Novel to at least thirteen Agents.

4. Visit the World’s Only Drive-Thru Strip Club in Pennsylvania.

5. Buy that Incredible dress in Josalyn’s that I’ve wanted since sixth grade.

6. Spend a night in a Cemetery, on Halloween.

7. Finger paint an entire wall.

8. Dine at Hell’s Kitchen.

9. Go on a Coast to Coast Road Trip and visit the most inane things.

10. Find Pure Happiness.

Sweet Sixteen

    My Sweet Sixteen isn’t happening for another seven months, but I’m already planning it. I know it seems like that’s a long time before I should even be considering it, but seriously, I’m going to need to work over the summer if I’m to have this thing.

So, the “theme” is going to be Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I love the total nonsensical imagery Lewis Carroll brought into it and would love to see it incorporated into one of my parties.

I’ve done some planning, but I’m betting it will be even more extravagant by the time I’m done with my ideas.

Anyway, I’ve pretty much settled on the fact that we’re not going to be having any actually nutritional foods at the party, since it will be all sweets, which I’ll be making myself. I fancy to think myself good at baking, though I’m obviously no chef. I’m going to be making  cupcakes decorated to look like mushrooms, cookies that say eat me, and a cake that is decorated as a chess board. Then, in celebration of the chapter The Lion and the Unicorn in Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, I’ll be serving white bread, brown bread, and plum cake.

I only have one activity idea so far. I want to make a mini-golf course in my backyard, all in theme, mind you; and play, using plastic flamingos as the putters. I’m obviously going to need a lot of “props” to make the course, but I have some planned.

I want to make a blue paper mache caterpillar. I’m going to paper mache balloons together to get the bumpy-circular look and then paint it blue. I have no idea what to use for his hookah yet.

Then, I’m going to be making a garden of “singing” flowers, using fabric for the petals, leaves, and faces; green water noodles for the stems. I’ll put a small boom box near them to have it seem like they’re singing ‘Golden Afternoon’.

Remember those mini playhouses that we had as kids in the nineties? I’m not talking about the ones with the “built in electronic phones” that cost a friken thousand dollars. I’m talking about the plastic crappy ones that you could buy at Walmart for fifty bucks and could snap apart so they could be washed. Well, I have one, and I’m currently trying to find how to make legs and arms that can come out of the bottom and windows, alike to Alice in the Rabbit’s house.

Now here’s the easiest, I’m going to get big pieces of cardboard and paint them white and red, like the Heart Playing Card Army, and use material to make their heads and hands.

Anyone have any other ideas that they can contribute? I’d be awfully appreciative!

I’m Impressed

    On Friday, I went to school, presented that horrid Latin project, took a science test, and then went to the OBGYN’s office.

Now, I’m already nervous and uncomfortable, being as it’s my seventeenth day on my period and my Mom is insisting I let her into the room with me. I seriously didn’t want to, but was threatened with things if I didn’t. So, I did, and I’m still pretty pissed off about how she didn’t respect my boundaries and forced her way into it. If I didn’t feel comfortable with her attending, she should have just left. It wasn’t her place to push and I assure myself she won’t be in the next.

Thankfully I didn’t need an internal exam. I’m not sexually active, never have been, so there was no need. Basically, we just chatted and she put me on Yasmin, instead of the expected Yaz, because it has a higher estrogen level.

I only have two days experience with this pill,  so things might change. But, it’s been pretty incredible so far. Predictably, my period ended the day after I started Yasmin, thank God for that. I’m unsure to whether I could’ve lasted another couple days without decapitating someone. There were times I really just wanted to scream, “Off with her head!” and have people obey me.

But, alas, I digress. The downsides to Yasmin, at the moment of course, are that instead of the lapse in appitite, I’ve had a strange increase over the past two days. Whatever, I’m sure that will pass. Then, I woke up with an extremely painful headache both yesterday and the day before. That could be written off to bad sleeping habits though, since it was accompanied by a back ache that hurt like Hell.

The point is, I’m very happy with Yasmin so far and hoping it will continue on to get even better.

Denying Yourself

I’m Christian. Not the ‘Oh-let-me-tell-you-what-to-believe-in’ kind. The kind that respects other religions and won’t force fed you their beliefs. So, I have no problem if you’re of a different religion. I have friends of basically every religion, except the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But one thing that really pisses me off is when you deny your beliefs.

I happen to think that a persons religion affects their personality and outlook on things drastically. For example, though this obviously isn’t true in all cases, I find that more atheists are willing to do things that will go against my morals, being as they don’t think there are any consequences in the afterlife. Hey, whatever. Go for it. It’s your choice.

So, I have this friend. She’s always been a follower and, sadly, she’s lost all respect I once had for her. Anyway, a couple of days ago, I saw her totally deny being a Christian to two atheist girls, in hopes of fitting in better. This seriously appalls me. In my opinion, it’s the most cowardly thing to do. And I know these girls wouldn’t have cared what religion you were anyway, as long as you weren’t overzealous and trying to force them to change. So, tell me, what was the point?

Now, you might say that she is Atheist. She’s not. That’s the thing, we went to a church, one I no longer attend, for years. I would love to go to the church it once was, but I can’t. Too many things have changed there for me. I no longer hold any love for the pastor’s preachings. But that doesn’t make me less of a Christian. I still follow what I believe the Bible tells me to.

Be whatever religion you believe in. But don’t be whatever religion you think is popular; it won’t get you friends.

Giving Up

Lately I’ve felt like completely giving up. Just going with the flow and letting my life lose control. This isn’t a good way to live and pretty much is a standard way to end up a hobo. But hey, I could mark that off my list of things to do right after ‘live in an elevator’.

I’m guessing I feel so helpless do to my lack of passion or concentration for anything. I have a definite addictive personality and without having something to totally be addicted to, I’m lost.

It doesn’t help that I seem to be missing school a lot more than I should be. Doctor appointments up the yang, but I can’t help those. Not to mention an upcoming trip to Pennsylvania that will take me out for another couple days. And being as I’m missing, I’m making things up and here’s where it leads to my excuse for March Nanowrimo. I really don’t have the time for this.

I hate myself for using that pitiful lack of an excuse, but it seems I collapse into bed every night feeling like I’ve done nothing productive, but tired out anyway. I think I’m sick. Not even PCOS sick. Just… something else. There has to be something they’re missing!

Over vacation, I got my first “actual” period in awhile and the discovery was followed by some major puking. Not to mention, it seems that I can now only eat very small meals and even then I feel sick to my stomach. And I constantly want to cry. Don’t scream PMS or hormones at me. Hormones don’t make me blow chunks. They don’t make me feel worthless and small. But I do.

Now, as I go on about this, I feel like an emo kid desperate for attention. Don’t worry, anyone, I’m not about to go out and slit my wrists. I just want to know what’s wrong!

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m making a huge deal out of feeling normal.

I hope I’m not normal.

Just an Insight into my Life

Yesterday was Respect Day at my high school. It was pretty awesome, we have some real talent hiding here. Major congratulations to Danielle Bouchard, for some fabulous singing. I personally adore her song ‘Eight’. Check it out at her myspace: www.myspace.com/daniellebouchard .

Anyway, I escaped all of my academic periods. This is a major success. Along with all the amazing performances, I got a Henna Tattoo. I had my friend do it and man, she did a great job! I doubt you’ll be able to see much detail, but here’s a picture of it:

Ah, so going past Respect Day, let’s chat about today. My Mp3 player is amazing. It’s a Sandisk Sansa e260 that I’ve had since early November. Now, I did my research before buying this. I knew that there were some problems that came with this player, mostly originating at using Rhapsody and the screen being very easy to scratch. Since I had the foresight to beware of these problems, I didn’t install Rhapsody and got a case first thing. Since then, nothing has gone wrong with it. I use it everyday and charge it once a week, while my computer is on stand by.

Today, I decided to charge it with the computer on. Yeah, not recommended. After charging, it left to a blue screen. It was on, wouldn’t turn off, and you couldn’t help it. Thankfully, all I had to do was unscrew the cover and disconnect the lithium battery. Now, it’s back to normal and I’m letting out a sigh of relief. Thank God. I remember having to go without an mp3 for a couple months and basically dying whenever I had to wait. I really didn’t want to dish out another eighty bucks for a decent player.

So, I ask, how are you?

Doctors

Lately, my family has had to go to the doctor’s office. All of us, between the last three weeks. Well, I exclude my brother in this. Zakary refuses to take even basic medicines, yet rarely gets sick anyway. Whatever, he’s an anomaly.

So, out of the other four of us, two different doctors have canceled on the day of the appointment. One was my father’s doctor, the other was my OBGYN. Best part about mine was I got Valentine’s Day off from school and yet wasn’t tortured by having to go and reveal my vagina under florescent lights.

In celebration, I made meringues. I personally don’t like meringues. I prefer seafoam candy and had never actually had meringues before. While making them, I thought I was making seafoam candy. It was only after that I realized there was a difference. But hey, scored points with the parents. They seemed to love ‘em. I made two dozen and they were gone by the time pizza got here. : ]

This week has been brilliant, basically. Monday and Tuesday I had to attend the monotonous school days, but hey, it’s all good. Wednesday we received our first snow day of the year! Whoohoo! I hope this doesn’t affect the fact we should still get two or three days off, since we’ve only used one out of the five “emergency days”. Then, as mentioned above, I got to skip out on Thursday. Now, today is Respect Day. So, for the first three periods, I’ll be sitting in an assembly with Sam, Nicole, Jourdan, and, hopefully, Adam. Let’s see if he shows. A majority, if not all, my other teachers are bringing us down to the optional assemblies during the other six periods. I’m getting a Henna Tattoo seventh period, too. I’ll post a picture of it later, if I can. Today’s bound to be awesome.